The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
