Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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