why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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