i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
