cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
