I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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