hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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