did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
