just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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