She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize