I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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