how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
