So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
she smelled like a LAN party
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
