So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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