It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
