New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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