i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
