I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize