So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize