White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Mom said you looked used
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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