i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
