So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
