Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
im holly from the hills drunk
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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