eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
