Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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