i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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