yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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