just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
