so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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