did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
