i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
