i need an iv and a liver transplant
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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