Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
