Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
