Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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