At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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