I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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