i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
