so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
