you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize