please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize