so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
