We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
