he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize