can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
