MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
