I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
