Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
