By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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