to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize