Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
