So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
