i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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