I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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