remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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