twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
