well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Blow job season was short but glorious.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
