Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
