They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
