ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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