Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
