i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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