so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
