i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
