so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize