Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
