I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize