So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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