Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
