Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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