Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
