I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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