I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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