hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
