He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
