i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Randomize
