Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
