yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
